I have,in fact a number of times.. I'm scared, scared I become a cold hearted person. 

I don't understand why, mum have to keep recalling again and again about what happened, keep asking me what and how and when. Why do you want to keep bringing it up, again and again and make yourself, your life so miserable... Doing so won't bring her back anymore, doing so... Won't revive her. So why, what's the point. Am I being emotionless or am I just facing reality...? That's when I realize, I learned this from d.. Now I wonder if it's a good thing, I seem to have shutted the world out. 

I had two dream last night, happy and sad. 

I wish I can shut this feelings off, I wish I don't have to be the strong one.

Yesterday she can just be like "you make the decision" , do I have to make every decision in this household? Can't you for once, act like a mum with responsibility...? It makes me so exhausted, because it's been like that, ever since the day I come back home.