There is a man i love and a man i used to love. 
I never wanted to hurt anyone of them, never wanted anyone of them to leave but that very one choice i made, changed all our life almost in 360 degree.

Both i would like to thank, as well as apologize. If without what d had done, without going through this 1 year 11 months, i wouldn't knew how much one would mean to me. If without what n had done, I wouldn't know how much more i deserved to be love. No matter how down i feel, how i degrade myself.. at the end of the day i have to get back stronger for me myself.

It's funny how fate works, i broke two brothers apart, not something to be proud of but that, that very moment i broke myself too. That very moment i lost who i was, that very moment my life turned. I wouldn't say i have no regrets because there are tons, but time.... time continue to ticks even if you cry all day, time won't stop to wait for you to stand up, time is a bitch, oh well life is a bitch.

I may be spouting nonsense here, i may be making sense here. Whoever reads it, it's your freedom to judge, because it doesn't matter as in afew hours, i probably forget what i typed.

I can't love both at once, but i always believed "if i am able to fall in love with another guy, i'm done with the first." So nowadays i ask myself  " What happened J ? What happened to that belief of yours" and what happened to the "once i leave i will never go back?" Is d worth for you to put down that ego? after all of what he have done? Are all this worth it? Being stuck back in time when the time continue to tick.

It's time to get back in life, learn to walk this life of yours alone, learn to love yourself before you can share any of your journey with another, before you can love another.
Before i can be another's wife.

I am not ready at all, but one day i will be.