Hi readers,

I am currently brushing up my English as i know my blog is not perfectly well written.
So pardon me, if i make any (really bad) English mistakes.

First thing first,
This year, i will be doing hell lot of travelling. At least, as much as i can. I don't plan to save anymore, just pack and go as everything else just seem to meaningless.

Well, its been 5 months since i started my new job as a teacher. my kids love me and they have been a huge part of my life. A huge reason why i didn't commit suicide, although yes i understand how some people will feel that suicide is stupid and silly but i am sorry.. every individual is facing different difficulty. I have my ways of dealing with it but it never had been this difficult. That aside, i have to be thankful to have one soul mate that never leaves my side no matter how dark my world was. Now that i recall, everything seem so dramatic and extreme.. I swear i never want to experience that again.

Before i go any further about my life, i realize i have never really introduced myself.
I am just another ordinary girl you met on the streets, one that you won't expect to be dealing with depression. I've low self-esteem and needless to say, i am also have extremely low confident. Right now, i'm dealing hard with my emotions as i am extremely emotional person.. i am also trying very hard to build up my confident and learning how to love myself more. If most of you don't understand why i don't love myself, i am from a single mother background.. i have no siblings and i got raped when i was 13. Life couldn't get any worse, but i got cheated on countless of time and i've allowed myself to be taken advantage of years ago due to feeling worthless. recent years, i got together with my ex which i thought that i am finally able to settle down till i found out that he has been cheating on me. i have never ever devote myself in someone so much that i agreed when he asked me to be his sex slave instead of having a commitment as he couldn't handle my emotional break downs. There goes my dignity. We broke up last year and his childhood friend stayed and tried his best to be there for me whenever i break down and whenever i feel like ending my life. Eventually, feelings develops. There comes a point where i wanted to sign up to be an escort, reason being taken advantages from all this guys for free and feeling that my body is worthless.. might as well do it for the money and with that money, i can further my studies and clear my mother's housing debt but of cos, i didn't went for it as i realize in order to make my life better.. i have to start loving myself.

Sometimes i wonder if this is the kind of life one will go through if their family is broken. Oh well, everyone have a story to say ya?

That's about it i guess.., another thing i would want to talk about is that i am wondering if i should start a vlog? although my life is really boring except for the times when im with my kids in the centre, they are bundle of joy in my life. It just seem like, i am doing all things that an introvert wont do.. i am trying to get myself out of comfort zone and from there i learn and shape myself into a strong and capable person but i know its not easy to just start a vlog, not easy to just start something.

But; you will never know what the outcome would be if you never give it a try.

That's all for today folks, thanks for taking your time to read my blog.
I sincerely appreciate it.

xoxo
J