Have you ever attempt to die?  I had.

It wasn't a great experience, especially when your mom would just assume that you probably had your heart broken, you probably deserved this but never did she ever realize that she is the cause behind all this.

I overdosed my night pills last night with an empty stomach, the feeling is pretty sucky because you weren't even feeling tired but your body is just strengthless and all you wanna do is fade off into your sleep. While I am in that daze mode, my mom came home... assuming that I cried she kept asking if I am okay. perhaps is because I am so used to her looking down on me, I don't even take that as a concern from her anymore. I just brush her off and head back to sleep.

Until this morning she didn't realize I wasn't up... I was in bed all the way till 10 am, being used to home alone... I picked myself up and headed to the bathroom despite feeling drowsy and nauseous, halfway through brushing my teeth I felt this terrible urge of vomiting and so I shifted myself to the toilet bowl but bam, I fainted on the floor. Approximately an hour later I guess, I woke up. Dragged myself to have a clean up, stuffed myself with bread... then back to bed.

It was a peaceful rest till she came home from work, ranting how tiring it is and starting to get annoyed that i am still in bed. Asking me questions like why am I home, why am I not working etc etc. Out of so many days for the past (I don't know) how many months or weeks i have been working my ass off and i can't even take one full day break?

What did i do to deserve all this. Yes i could've told her what happen when she wasn't home, but what good does it do... its not like she is going to instantly understand how is it like to be a victim of bi-polar 2. she has never really understood.

The last time i told her i am heading to my therapy, the only answer she could give best was "oh you still need to go ? i thought you were recovered." with a smirk.